So God has been working so much this week y’all don’t even know. I got here about a week and a half ago and I tried to write this blog about 3 times and just can’t seem to find the right words so I’m just going to give you the spark notes version. 

This past week and a half have been CRAZYY!! like yall don’t even understand I’ve experienced so much healing, restoration, and forgiveness in my life but as well as in the lives around me. So coming into this training I had mixed emotions and thoughts like I knew God and thought I had an okay enough relationship with him. Like I knew I wasn’t on fire for him or whatnot, but I knew him and read my bible every now and then. My pastor encouraged me to use this time to get intimate with the Lord, and I took it to heart. I have read my bible every day and have been super deliberate with my time. I started to realize that like I had deep down been longing to hear from Jesus and don’t think I’ve ever heard his voice like I’ve felt called and what know to somethings but I’ve never heard his voice. I was wrestling with this and after a day or so I was wrestling with God about this and getting really angry if I’m going, to be honest. Then someone on my team broke their foot and God healed it. That made me even more upset and was really asking if you’ll do all these miracles around the world and in front of me but you won’t just talk to me. I know you are real so just answer my prayers I don’t care if it’s what I want to hear or not just answer me. The next morning I felt different and was like him healing my squadmate’s foot to make our worship more real. and then we had worship the next morning and I don’t remember the exact song or the lyrics, but It went something like,” I’ll wait an eternity just to hear your voice”. I was on my face just telling God I’m not moving till you talk to me. Then another one of my squadmates asked to pray over me and honestly, all I remember is him praying about joy and then I’m at the literal feet of Jesus and he’s just telling me I’m here I’m listening and just unimaginable joy come over me. The next thing I know we’re in another session about forgiveness and whom we need to forgive I honestly didn’t think I needed to forgive anyone, but then I just felt called to forgive some major people in my life that I never truly forgave and just told myself I did. Then the next I know, I realize that my relationship has been affecting my relationship with Christ, and every day it feels like the Lord is peeling another layer of my onion off my relationship with God. So now today I'm realizing how much I need to be founded in his word and what it is like to truly live a life on mission instead of just doing it because I'm on a mission trip or part of church outreach, and I'm sooo excited for what the lord will make me sacrifice so I can experience more of his love and joy.

P.S

I know that was still long but that was just a glimpse of what god is doing here at training camp